Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Hail to the Brief!

On August 13, 2076, at 2:37 AM, Solomon Grundig was elected the 784th President of the United States. He was informed of this by his mother, who said, "Get up, you're the President, and you're late for school."

Solomon opened his eyes. He turned on his glasses. He said, "Whitehouse. Oval Office." The Presidential Seal came up with his face and name above it. His votecount was 267,000,000 and trending up. Solomon frowned. He said, "Get me my best pal."

The show changed. Solomon's best pal came up. He or she said, "Don't tell me, I already know."

"How do I know it's real?"

"'Cause I can see it, too; and besides, you can't spoof the Presidential Seal."

"How do you know that?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, last night, I had 47 votes."

"It must have been a show you put out."

"Yeah, but which one?"

"Does it matter?"

"I just want to know if it's real."

"OK - I'm your pal, I'll help you out - just say this: 'Show me the Kennedy Assassination X-rays.'"


"Just say it."

"'Show me the Kennedy Assassination X-rays.'"

The show changed.

Solomon nodded. "OK, I'm really the President."

"I don't know - your votecount isn't trending up anymore. In fact, it's trending down. Fast."

"What does that mean?"

"It means you're not the President anymore."

"Filch! I didn't even have time to stratify my constituency."

"Forget about it."

"I wanted to thank them."

"They're not voting for you anymore."

"What did I do?"


"Who's the new President?"

"Some kid from Des Moines. He put out a show called, 'Anybody but Grundig.'"


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